How to Help a NICU Mom

A NICU stay of any length can by the most trying time of your life.  Do you know someone with a baby in the NICU?  Is your baby in the NICU and are looking to point family and friends in the right direction? Want to know how to help a NICU mom?

There are many ways to help a family that is in the NICU, from taking care of things around their house to bringing them care packages and food. Every little thing means so much when they need to devote their time and energy into their new baby who is in the NICU.

My son Vincent was born with a rare birth defect called Esophageal Atresia and Tracheoesophageal Fistula (EA/TEF). He was in a level 4 NICU for 70 days, we spent another 55 days inpatient before he was 6 months old,  for a total of 125 days. If you’d like to read the whole story click here to read A Complex Medical Journey.

During this time I isolated myself.  Honestly, I still do.  I couldn’t explain what was going on with my son.  It was too painful.  I was embarrassed.  I couldn’t make a healthy baby.  The shame I felt kept me from the people in my life that had been there for me for as long as I can remember.  Asking for help was extremely hard for me to do.  My husband was the one communicating with everyone.  Letting them know what was going on and how he was doing from day to today. 

I just couldn’t.

Reflecting on our time spent in the NICU.  I wish I would have asked for help more often.  I think family and friends didn’t know how to help.  There were so many daily adult-ing tasks that we struggled with because we needed to be there for our baby in the NICU.  Below are some of the ways that did, and could have really helped us. 

Help a NICU Mom with FOOD

This is a BIG one.  I forgot to eat many meals.  The NICU is an intense environment; a revolving door of people caring for your baby.  Pumping every 3 hours. Eating regular meals does not fit into the equation of NICU life. 

• Bring meals with plates and utensils
• Gift Cards for local restaurants or the hospital cafeteria
• Snacks
• Drinks
• Frozen meals for home
• Lactation bites… find a recipe on Pinterest. This thoughtful gesture will be most appreciated by the new mom

Help with Other Children or Pets at Home

Having other children, no matter what age, is super hard when your baby is in the NICU. You are torn from spending time with kids at home so they don’t feel forgotten, and then feel so guilty for not being at the hospital for your other child who is very sick and fragile. Here are some ways to help a NICU mom out at their home.

Children

• Drop-off / Pick-up after school
• Plan an outing with such as open gym, trampoline park, laser tag, the zoo, catch a movie, etc.
• Have them write a letter to their parents
• Create some artwork
• Take a long walk
• Let them know it is safe for them to talk to you, they have a lot of feelings surrounding this situation. They have been impacted too.

Pets

• Spend time with them and play!
• Take the dog for a walk…. or the cat (if it will let you)
• Feed them
• Stock up on their pet food
• Do they need to be seen by a Veterinarian? Helping with this task would be super great

Household Chores

• Do laundry
• Vacuum, mop the floors
• Clean the bathroom
• Dust, wash the windows
• Get the mail
• Bring extra clothes, toiletries to hospital
• Water plants
• Shovel snow
• Mow grass

Care Package

Nothing brings comfort like a Care Package. It’s the little things inside that you don’t think to get for yourself, that makes life a little easier and more enjoyable. My friend Angela over at Worthy Angela sent both my husband and I a beautiful care package. I cried the entire time I was opening it, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness she showed our family. She has gone above and beyond to help a NICU mom out!

Here are some ideas to include in your care package.

• Notebook, pens
• Coloring book, pencils
• Fuzzy blanket
• Lotion, chapstick
• Crossword puzzles
• Kleenex
• Neck pillow
• A handwritten letter

Let them know “I’m here”

Having a baby in the NICU is an isolating experience. Everyone handles it in their own way. One commonality is knowing and hearing that you have the support of friends and family. They might not want to share or have visitors yet, but putting yourself out there means the world to a family with a baby in the NICU.

• Make yourself available to talk, day or night
• Don’t offer advice unless it is requested. They are going through a very tough time
• Write them a letter. Let then know how strong they are for going through what they are going through
• Offer to help them with meals, or tasks at their home

Create a GoFundMe account to help a NICU mom

The unexpected expenses you have when your baby is in the NICU can be overwhelming. Depending on their insurance and length of stay, medical bills could take years to pay off. Even if their insurance covers the expenses, they may be unable to work for weeks or months, putting a huge financial burden on their shoulders.

My husband’s friend created a GoFundMe account for us. We are not the ones to ask for help, and it felt strange to be accepting help from friends, family, and even strangers. But, we were very fortunate. The financial help we received got us through what could have been a devastating blow to our life. I was working remotely from the hospital, and my husband didn’t work for 6 months. Although it was hard to accept the help, we are so grateful we did.

Conclusion

If you know a family with a baby in the NICU, you have an amazing opportunity to give them a gift of comfort. This comfort can come in many ways from emotional, physical, and or financial help. Believe me, they will remember your thoughtfulness and be touched by your generosity. Can you help a NICU mom?

Have you experienced helping out a family in need? Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear about it.