Birth Story

My Once Upon a Time turned into a physiological thriller real quick. The birth of your child should a magical day, not haunt you. My birth plan quickly crumbled. Even today… there are days I am on the brink of a breakdown, other days aren’t so bad. The strength requirement I’ve needed throughout this journey is unimaginable. I can’t go back to these feelings very often, it’s still so raw. I urge you to take care while reading if you’ve experienced a traumatic birth, this may be too much for you.

Pregnancy and Health

Although I didn’t know there was something wrong, I sensed it. The second half of my pregnancy was tough. I had Braxton Hicks contractions beginning at 18 weeks (a similar experience I had 11 years earlier with my daughter).  I had hypertension (high blood pressure) for months which developed into pre-eclampsia at the end of my pregnancy.

The severe polyhydramnios was definitely the worst. The normal amount of amniotic fluid you have while pregnant (AFI) is between 8-18. Mine was 42.

I was huge.

Measuring 46 weeks at 36 weeks. I was big enough to be full term with twins. I was sure that I was going to have a 12 lb baby! My mother was kind enough to tell me all the time how big I was, thanks mom.

At 33 weeks, the twice-weekly fetal non-stress tests (NST) and weekly ultrasounds began. I googled polyhydramnios…and yes all of a sudden I was “dying”… or at least felt like it. It was like I was being crushed from within. Anyways, having polyhydramnios can be something, or it can mean nothing.  I brought up birth defects at my appointments, one of the causes I found in my research, but it was shrugged off. “Don’t worry”.

Even though all these medical issues were arising, there seemed to be no major concerns. I saw a group of midwives, who had a more natural view of pregnancy and birth; I liked that. They did get a second opinion from an obstetrician, and everyone thought we were on the right path. That eased my mind. Since the pre-eclampsia was official at 35.5 weeks. they didn’t want me going any further.

My induction was set for 37 weeks.

I was looking forward to all of the experiences a new baby brings.  Labor is tough, but I got through it 11 years earlier with my daughter Grace. I was planning a medication-free birth, I knew I could do it again.

We hired a doula earlier on in my pregnancy. I had more anxiety about the pain than anything. I learned some relaxation techniques which helped. She helped form my birth “plan” and educated us on some of the things we had not thought of.

I didn’t know what to expect with the induction.

My nerves were getting the best of me.

Induction Day

We arrived at the hospital at 7:00 pm on Wednesday evening. My cervix wasn’t ready and needed to be “ripened”. Sounds gross right? They inserted a bulb into my cervix which was to be removed in the morning. I was given a sleeping pill, and soon I was fast asleep.

Morning came, and it was time to get serious about this labor thing. An IV was placed in my left hand. They started pumping me with pitocin. Started off slow and then gradually increased every hour.

Constant fetal monitoring was required since I had so much amniotic fluid; finding his heartbeat was difficult, and then once they had it…. it would get lost. Someone was ALWAYS messing with the monitor. Which was super annoying. I just wanted to be left alone to labor in peace.

Hours went by, and no hard contractions yet. The pitocin was turned up to the highest level.

About 4:00 pm, the midwife talked with my husband and I about breaking my water. The contractions weren’t moving him down at all. I had too much fluid for the contractions to do their job.

The risks of the procedure were explained to us. The pressure of the fluid release could cause umbilical cord prolapse, the cord moves into the birth canal before the baby, leading to an emergency cesarean section.

We called our doula for input and decided that it was time for her to come join us. They were going to break my water at 5:30 pm. An obstetrician would perform it, while the midwife put pressure on my baby, pushing him down.

I was scared.

But I knew that waiting for the contractions to start making more progress, or having my water break on its own could be dangerous and lead to more complications. Rip the bandaid off, I thought.

Let’s do this.

It was time, they did it, and it was a success. I took a sigh of relief.

Then the slip and slide party began!

THERE. WAS. SO. MUCH. FLUID.

I got onto a birthing ball and was moving my hips all around, every movement was a gush all over the ball and onto the floor. I ate tacos and rocked back and forth. After about an hour of this waterpark fun…. I was down about 3 liters of fluid and looked like a pregnant woman from my past… I looked like I was 6 months pregnant again.

The Labor-ing

I was on the move. From the shower to the bed. Standing and swaying to rolling my hips on the ball. And then back to the bathtub again.

The labor gowns I wore made all of these position change EASY!

I always had my nurse “buddies” right alongside me, trying to get the monitor to pick up his heartbeat.

My cervix was checked after his heart rate had dropped about 6:30 pm, I was as 5 cm dilated. Labor really started to progress after that. Contractions were more painful, but not unbearable. I was trying to “zen out” as much as possible. Get into my happy place. I started feeling more rectal pressure with each contraction about 7:30 pm.

Back in the bathtub I went (with a really awesome bag on my arm covering the IV). It was 8:45 pm, I was relaxed and my contractions slowed down a bit. I knew if I stayed there too long, it could prolong my labor, which I didn’t want. So, I got up to continue moving around.

The excitement was growing to finally meet my baby boy, also NOT being pregnant anymore was a major bonus. I was leaning over the bed, swaying my hips. The monitors were picking up my heart rate at 130 bpm. They wanted me back in the bed to lay down and put an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. I was contracting and scared. After about 10 minutes, my heart rate decreased and I was allowed to get out of bed again.

Birth Transition

By 11 pm, the rectal pressure was intense. I couldn’t talk through the contractions anymore. I felt like I was dying with each contraction….

I knew I was in transition. The worst part. The part where you want to give up. You think that there is NO possible way to get through another contraction. Basically, you are ready to check out of the hospital and leave. But there is also magic of transition.

It means you are almost there, almost done. Your baby is almost here!

Pushing and Birth

Now Friday 12:15 am, I started to push. I thought it was kind of funny that no one checked my cervix before I began, but I knew I was ready to start pushing. No one was going to stop me. The head of the bed was inclined and I was leaning over the back of it. I pushed hard with every contraction. I overheard the midwife calling the NICU team down because the baby would be here soon. That frightened me, why was that happening? What was wrong? I’m pushing through each contraction like a beast, swearing like a sailor the whole way through.

After 25 minutes of pushing, he was out. I did it!

NO. PAIN. MEDICATION.

A Birth, my Son is Born

I immediately felt a sense of relief, my baby was here. Finally! My son. Labor was over. I wasn’t pregnant anymore! Yay! I could now enjoy my new family.  Bonding. Christmas was only a couple weeks away, I dreamed of us lounging on the couch with only the light of the Christmas tree glowing in our living room.  I was really looking forward to that. 

All of that emotion, hope, joy, and relief was over in a second.  It turned into fear, despair, and horror. 

I could tell he wasn’t breathing, he was a dark color, even next to all the hair on his head.  I was trying to rub his back to stimulate him, didn’t work.  I tried harder, that didn’t work.  The midwife tried.

Nothing worked. 

A nurse used a bulb sucker to clear out his mouth, and that didn’t work. I pleaded with them “don’t be so rough with him, be careful!” 

And then they took him. 

The NICU team was there, I remembered hearing that they were called when I was pushing and wondering why that was.  I looked across the room, where 6 people were working on him.  He started crying. A minute of relief, I took a breath. But then they tried to stick a tube down in his mouth to deep suction him, and then I saw her. 

One of them…. shaking her head… 

That was the moment I knew there was something was terribly wrong.  My baby was not OK.  I was yelling out to help him, sobbing, sitting on my hands in knees still from pushing him out, pleading with them to tell me what was wrong.  To help my baby.  I just wanted them to make it right.  Oh, he just needs this or that, and then he will be fine.  They will bring him to me and everything will be OK. 

I still wish all of that could have happened.

But it didn’t. 

They told me something about what was going on, but I couldn’t understand.  They said he needed to go to the NICU, my husband would go with him. 

They brought him over to us, I held him for two minutes.

I was bleeding a lot. After the placenta was out, they saw I had placenta abruption at some point during the labor or pushing. Nurses were pushing down so hard on my uterus to help stop the bleeding. That pain was worse than some of the contractions. Eventually the bleeding lessened.

I sat there with my doula, she was feeding me peanut butter toast while I pumped my breasts for the first time. I was in disbelief, something was wrong with my baby.  My baby was not with me.  I didn’t know what to say to anyone. After about an hour, my husband came back to the room. I wanted to see my baby in the NICU. My husband pushed me in a wheelchair. A nurse pushed a cart full of our items.

First Time Inside the NICU

When I entered his room, it was so foreign. He was hooked up to so many things. 

A tube down his nose.

Oxygen nasal cannula.

Umbilical arterial catheter.

Monitors for his blood oxygen, respiratory, and heart rate levels.

I couldn’t hold him.

I couldn’t breastfeed him.

I was scared to touch him, fearing I would hurt him, or pull a tube or wire loose by accident.

Your son has a birth defect called

Esophageal Atresia / Tracheoesophageal Fistula (EA / TEF)

He requires surgery, soon.

Tomorrow, he will be transferred to the American Family Children’s Hospital Level 4 NICU by a pediatric critical care transportation company.

They will perform surgery to connect his esophagus to his stomach, and disconnect the incorrect connection from his trachea to his esophagus.

The surgeon will come meet with you.

He has a sacral dimple, which may indicate a spinal abnormality, further testing is necessary.

EA / TEF is usually associated with other mid-line defects.

He may have an imperforate anus, we’ll see if he poops.

He has a extra set of ribs.

His kidneys are swollen.

He has a small atrial septal defect (ASD) in his heart.

We need to x-ray his limbs to rule out radial agenesis

We will be performing more tests and screening for other issues usually associated with this birth defect.

Do you have any questions?

NICU Attending Resident

A time that should be one of the happiest moments in your life, was becoming a horrific nightmare. It felt surreal like I was living outside the situation. 

Alone

I was wheeled to my recovery room, which was on a separate floor from the NICU.  My husband went back up to be with our son. My heart was broken. My body was trying to recover from giving birth. I hooked myself up to the breast pump one last time before laying down. I could hear the cries of other babies in their rooms with their mothers…. right where they should be.  Jealousy engulfed my soul. It was about 3:30 am and I was alone.  I couldn’t sleep.  I thought about googling EA / TEF, but I was so scared. I didn’t want to know more. If I knew more, it would make it real.

My husband sent me a picture of our son.  I couldn’t stop looking at it. I wish I was there looking at him, studying his features.  Getting to know him, falling in love. 

I fell asleep. 

When I awoke, I didn’t wake up from my nightmare.  It was 6:00 am.  Time to pump…. I just wanted to breastfeed. 

Click here to read more about the roller coaster first year

Reflection

Looking back, I wish I had been more adamant with my prenatal care. 

But nothing would have changed the outcome. 

The induction wouldn’t have changed. 

Nothing would have changed.

And those things make me so emotional.  I couldn’t do anything to help my baby be healthy without defect.  The way his anatomy formed long ago early in pregnancy, around 8 weeks.

Nothing showed up on ultrasounds.  Most kids born with EA/TEF are not diagnosed until after birth. 

I just wonder how it would’ve felt to have known before he was born.  I’m a planner, so I could have researched and been mentally prepared for what was to come.  Or it could have turned me into an anxious basket case.

Who knows. I can’t do anything about it now.

And I have to be OK with that.

Birth Announcement

Vincent King

Born December 8th, 2017 at 12:42 am 5 lb 3 oz 19.5″ long